People with the Good Problem (good problemers) unwittingly hide behind the belief that they will be hurting the feelings of another person if they speak their mind in a real, genuine way or say no to a request to help. Clients with the good problem routinely say, “I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I agreed to help……” What makes this such a toxic style of living is that typically the good problemer will disregard and disrespect her own plan, desire, and needs in order to accommodate the request of another.
It has nothing to with hurting the feelings of another person. It has everything to do with being extraordinarily unfamiliar and uncomfortable taking care of your emotional needs in a healthy, empowered manner. So there is an initially awkward shift that must take place, namely a transition to focusing internally on what you want and need to honor yourself and become more balanced and self-respectful from an unrelenting focus on what you think everyone else needs and wants.
The good problemer becomes healthier and happier when she lets go of allowing others to dictate her feelings and behavior and shifts into an internal focus where she proactively takes care of herself…FIRST. Remember, people WILL like and respect you more when you embrace this style of living.